give me....

i don't expect my love affairs to last for long
never fool my self that my dreams will come true
being used to trouble
i anticipate it
but all the same i hate it
wouldn't you...*

i love you she said... you hardly know me.. how long has it been.. a few weeks.. its just a crush.. bit of a fancy.. infatuation.. you'll get over it.. you might as well.. there's nothing here... i am reformed... how cruel.. how sharp...

time and time again i've said that i don't care
that i'm immune to gloom
that i'm hard through and through
but every time it matters
all my words desert me
so any one can hurt me.. and they do...*

you never call.. is it just the sex.. i don't know... i cant say.. i do like you.. but its never gonna be more than that.. maybe its not fair.. maybe its good u'r going on vacation.. come back.. we'll talk.. we'll figure it out.. something.. somehow.. i am reformed... how cruel.. how sharp...

call in three months time and i'll be fine i know
well maybe not that fine but i'll survive anyhow
i wont recall the names and places of this sad occasion
but that no consolation
here and now...*

you didn't even say bye.. dude.. i was outta it.. come on... sometimes the slightest thing can be such a sore.. its of course so much more pronounced if you're an oversensitive..living life on a tightrope... OCDing Scorpio... but still... its jus about sensitivity.. people are just becoming so cruel... so.. blase.. so sharp... deja vu.. full circle.. goes around comes around...

all through my mad days
my mad existence
i kept my promise don't keep your distance...**

have i said to much.. have i thought aloud again.. more than i should have.. do i have to correct your diction.. wipe the table.. be a bitch.. point out a bad colour combo or dress or shoes.. do i have to have to have to have to... no.. but i will.. i do.. i shall..

so it has passed and so have men done...

how do you deal with the flakiness.. and the loneliness.. two sides to the same coin.. pick one.. stay with yourself or live in the real world.. be a recluse or be a peer.. there is no middle ground.. there is no familiarity.. it isn't real.. this is life not a hallmark moment..

this is merlin... he comes to save us... he will bring the people back to the old ways...***

close the lights... hold me.. *sob.. why are you crying... its just that its all so fleeting.. i'm gonna go back and you're gonna carry on.. aren't you.. yeah probably.. but we have now.. and here and this and it is real.. it's not made up.. it exists...

it took time to understand the man.. but now at least i know.. i know him so well...****

another beer.. hell yeah.. another buzz to forget the obvious.. the pain the anguish.. the complications.. the failures and the life we live.. the lives we live.. all of them.. the son.. the colleague.. the friend.. the lover.. the luster.. the loser.. the bitch.. the cabana boy.. the pushover.. the brother.. the kid.. the boy.. the man..

give me one more time to let go...
give me one more time to understand..
give me one more hour to breathe..
give me one more minute to exist...
give me one more night to regret...
give me one more time to cry...
give me one more memory to forget...
give me one more mistake to remember...
give give give....*****

purge. destroy. burn. live............ breathe. die. pain. message. click. smile. infinity.

*cf: Another Suitcase in Another Hall, Tim Rice, Evita
**cf: Don't Cry For Me Argentina, Tim Rice, Evita
***cf: Queen Mab, Merlin, Hallmark
****cf: I Know Him So Well, Tim Rice, Chess
*****cf: Give, Anahat Arora