the dichotomy of me

they say... balance is key... to anything.. peoples, nations relationships... life itself, in all its abundance and glory...

they say the only thing that is constant is change... an ever turning wheel.. and as the wheel wills.. some things may yet fall under the light...

in rude disregard to a world's light gone out he posts again.. but those who know also know this blog is for him alone... as is his tribute to him.. for me...

simplicity is the answer... he thought to stop for he had nothing left unsaid...

all things change.. he has new things to say now... new dribbles...

winter comes to his home... she is dressed as a dark unknown woman... her body wraps around him.. time is without end... her hair.. wisps of nostalgic serenity brush against him.. and all that was is again... if only for that instant... i am myself.. the petulant child.. the erring young man.. the courageous lad.. an unsure adult.. a triumph of situation and a calvainian upstart.. who writes as all men must.. his own destiny.. undeterred and unpretentious...

the wind howls.. a low and base cry... of something deep and good and forgotten but not entirely... of a time.. when the winds arose in another place.. another time, maybe another eventuality...

he shivers and pulls himself closer.. he wished he had a cloak.. of strong lamb's wool.. he laughs at himself for this paltry grasp at fantasy... almost laughs...

it smells of rain, or he wishes it would.. one never can tell.. of hope and of love patiently waiting its turn to surprise even the most cynical of minds.. he wishes it would rain.. so he could cry and laugh out.. soaking and breathing pure ecstatical life...

but the winds are dry.. and raspy...they seem to snatch his thoughts... how easy life goes on him.. most of the time...

shorter story... no love no glory..
no hero in her sky...*

he cant get his mind of her.. he has no one else to find...

to want is to exist... to need is to live.. to have is to be alive.. to have what one wants is bliss.. to have what one needs is peace...

he feels at peace...

he is made of extremes.. completely at peace or in a state of constant flux with all the universe...

there is no other...

to constant strife and courage of conviction... or to granted peace settled...

he smiles.. a half smile...

too many minds.. too many thoughts.. so much for the wind to snatch...

par dukhe upkaar kare to man abhimaan na aae re.. **

he quotes his political Satan and spiritual ideal..

dichotomy is every thing.. balance is but an illusion of dichotomy.. the exception that proves the rule..

is darkness whole in itself or an absence of light.. or is light an absence of darkness.. do we come from nothing and return to it.. ashes to ashes dust to dust or does the master plan a plan that eludes the doubting mind.. ye of little faith..

so many questions.. the pity is not that there are no answers.. but that there aren't enough questions..

dubito ergo cogito... cogito ergo sum.. ***

something out of the corner of his eye... a fleeting glimpse of a half truth brings him back..

the wind will be his undoing..

so will thinking too much

but he cant stop... he cant deny descartes.. specially in the windmill of his mind.. he hums a few bars off the song..

like the circles that u find... ****

he shuffles his feet.. footprints in the sand..

oh jaan... this changes nothing..! it is real.. as real as we make it...

and suddenly it is still.. a calmness

some thoughts can stop the world from spinning.. his world.. his dichotomous selfish little world..
balance.... finally.

aham bhavani yuge yuge...*****

*cf: The Blower's Daughter, Damien Rice
**cf: Vaishnav Jan to Tene Kahiyaj, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
***cf: 'I Doubt Therefore I think, I think therefore I am' Rene Descartes
****cf: Windmills of your Mind, Alan & Marilyn Bergman & Michel Legrand
*****cf: 'I am Reborn in Every Age', Lord Krishna to Arjun, Bhagvad Gita