like a tunnel that you follow to a tunnel of its own
down to a hollow where the sun has never shone...*
outside it's raining.. as it always seems to here.. inside I sit alone.. immersed in my own thoughts... and realise the only word i can come up with to describe this feeling of helplessness is... hollow.. a deep echoing hollow... a hollow disconnect of being so far away.. of being in this unrealistic reality so different from the one you imagined you'd be in and fought to achieve for quite a while..
words that jangle in your head....*
it gnaws at you and makes you want to just close your eyes and drift off into a eye-clenched sense of nothingness less you break down... u grasp at the very sense of normality to keep yourself from being swept away in an untiring emotional swirl... you grasp at the thought of a thought.. a glimpse.. a verse... a ticker... of the familiar... an image... but its gone in a flash and try as you might it doesn't help..
when you knew that it was over,
were you suddenly aware...
that the autumn leaves were turning
to the colour of her hair*
you sit alone and type furiously.. hoping... even praying that you're making sense... sense of what you're feeling or afraid to feel... its a hollow sense of the fear... of the what if it all unravels and spills out.. which reality will you pick.. which reality will pick you.. the one you fight so hard to hold onto in a fragment of a dream and a sense of whats awaits you far away.. oh so far away.. or the reality that you live with every breath... the one that you fight so hard not to get immersed in..
and here I sit, hand on the telephone, hearing a voice I know, a couple of lightyears away**
to fill your moments of hollow terror with a sense of what can be is a very hard life to live my love.. make it easier...
*cf: Windmills of your Mind, Ost - The Thomas Crown Affair
**cf: Diamonds and Rust, Joan Baez
No comments:
Post a Comment