hangovers and promotions

today i woke up with a hangover.. basically it tasted like the culmination of a tadpole eating contest... also it felt dehydrated... i hope atleast thats a hangover ;-) i dont get headaches.. so thats that... then i had some aqua and went back to sleep... I got promoted yesterday... and get paid more money to continue doing what Im doing and get to change my designation.. I was an erstwhwile Relationship Executive and am now an Assistant Relationship Manager. There is possibly some point to this.. it doesnt strike me instantly... the two incidents are obviously cause and affect and thus mentioned together...

also i realised the everybody in the world likes antoine de st exupery and richard bach... but thats another story alltogether... the story is about how sometimes life catches you unaware and throws a exquisite converstaion at you... a harmless exchage of dreams and passions, and by the time it hits you that its the next morning, its too late... and then you pray to god that it doesnt cause any complications..

how is it that one can be so afraid of happiness...? or atleast events would have you believe apparent happiness/pleasentness at the next curve... how is it that you go from carefree to careful. Perpetually analysing.. thinking.. pondering.. complicating!!

and heres another one? does pain really make it real? or is that an excuse? a compulsive reflex statement... 'its aight yeah.. the pain makes it real' ;-)

well apparently listening to satriani and coldplay after watching alexander.... doesnt help... nethier does trying to explain to someone what a blog is jus cause you asked them how to spell neccesity..

there is more to reality than one can envisage even in their dreams...*

*Senor Don Chirstophor Columbas - Discoverer of the New World

perfection...

nothing is so good it lasts eternally,
perfect situations must go wrong,
but that has never yet prevented me,
wanting far too much for far too long...*

the song goes on about looking back, and playing it differently, learning about the person before you fall, some spatterings of how its madness and ends with...

if i knew form the start how it would end,
why am I falling apart??...*

anyway.. thought i'd mention how its brilliant and such.. but I dont wanna hear about how I'm bound to feel this way right now and how perfection is not an achievable paradigm and its a constant aim to strive for etc... so im not going to...

relationships jus arent what they used to be.. two folks used to fall in love, compromise and stick it out, or they would compromise, then fall in love and then stick it out, depending on which spectrum of the marrige scenario you pegged onto.. now its not the same..

now you have individuality, and independace; financial, social and emotional, and in such a context as it was pointed out to me... co existance is a nightmare, and you have to pick one and then youre in trouble... either way...

well what do you do if ur the sort of commitment phobic limelight huggin meglomaniac who gets hurt everytime and never learns and then puts up his hands and says, alllrighteeethen, no more of the vulnerability shit, form now on its straight on meaningful sex with meaningless women who tingle some fantasy or the other...?

well luckily thats not too difficult a question to answer... i guess you carry on till it stays in your fancy and then try somethign else to fill the void, the constant need to feel important to someone else, the need to be loved and beleive that you inspire such ideals...

and i guess you carry on..

...she said its all gonna end so it might as well be my fault**

bitterness, maybe? I'm not sure, anyone wanna hazard a judgement call on this?

*cf: I know him so well, Sarah Brightman & Elaine Paige - Chess
**cf: 3 AM - Matchbox 20

grown ups and numbers...

So finally i've added a hit counter to my blog, see see there it is on the right... someday it'll be a number to reckon with... so while I was finding the right place to paste the code I got from the free site.. it struck me that I don't really care how many people actually view the blog.. I mean its not a poppularity contest.... but nevertheless I put it up... I'm tellin myself its for referance.. and I'm reminded about the genius of the Little Prince*... grown ups and their facination with numbers.. Hi.. so how old are you? whats you phone number? So how much do you make? :-) maybe I too have grown up, got too caught up with CTC's and InHands and tax slabs and interest rates and hit counters... and maybe not... I just dont know... I jus hope it not too late... and maybe I still have the will to ask questions like? Hows your house? Is it a nice house... do you enjoy staying there and not jus whats your address?? ;-)

*cf: The Little Prince - Antoine de St. Exupery