Coming Home...

ok folks.. quick update.. i'm at work and all...

I'm back in delhi... or will be soon enough... for good... I'm leaving behind Mumbai... Toto's... Soulfry... Bandstand... Polys... Hawai'in... Henry's... Poison... The Anda Pau guy at Andheri Station... My Mcdonalds delivery boys!!... and Dominoes and Dynasty and so on and so forth... and I'm coming home to Yellow Brick Road and Larry's China in particular...

I've taken over as the new Sales Manager for The Ambassador Hotel, New Delhi and may be seen whiling away many hours in Khan Market addas... :-) And yes I can give discounts at Yellow Brick Road but it all depends on how nice you are to me...

So.. jus been busy taking things over and understanding the intricacies of hotel operations and the people politics... heading back to bombay friday night to wrap up and pack up there... should be back in town by 15th of next month or so... and get up to some serious drudgery...

till then... I love the roads in Delhi... dude...

the anticipation of the eventuality...

the anticipation of a happy eventuality.. of a delightful little treat.. a brief conversation.. a few choice words... a smile here a curved lip there... the true bliss involved with a walk down the road.. chasing shadows and dreams..

sometimes memory can be sweeter than reality... the soft brush of her lips.. the smell of rain... the alcohol running in your brain.. the cold mountain air.. and the shiver of maybes...

it isnt jus about being a cynic :-) its about carpe dieam and making your dreams come true, and baring your soul to the world, unafraid and brave, scared and scary, and being one anyway...

you hold her hand.... tight... afraid to let go... frightened that perfection will slip away into oblivion.. but you smile anyway.. cause its here and its now.. you slip an arm around her waist.. the smooth satin rain drenched warm skin... your cold unforgiving hands.. trembling..

a quick laugh... a shake of the head.. playing it down... or it could explode.. into to something wonderful and overpowering all at once...

what is it about just being able to be yourself with someone thats such a relief... its not that bad is it that the veils and masques are so tightly held to one's face that the mere chance of a release is sinful... jus the ability to let that guard down, those double meanings you keep searching for, that you look for that you dont need to worry about...

compliments... the most underated gesture in humanity... few words that can make your day... your week... your moment... anahat's rule: never wait to compliment... its priceless...

the anticipation of the eventuality.. the gorgeous moments that can be...

tonight... you're a cynic..

rub your eyes... sigh... close them.. lean back on the pillow... pull... aniseed... tonight you're a cynic... no point in resistin... you're surrounded.. inside your mind.. pain.. grief.. sorrow.. alcohol.. impatience.. tonight you can't trust.. no matter how much you want to.. need to.. long for.. for that one smile and a ruffle of the hair.. and know it can be.. real.. but tonight you're a cynic and you know there's no real point... you submit to the self defacing wallowing...

im home.. im exhausted.. no way...

its a dichotomy really.. not an Elliotian shadow*.. no chasm of civilisations.. jus the knowledge that can be and what will be... just won't add up.. distance.. people.. distractions.. personal prejudices.. and the odds just stack up...

the disconnected.. deprived.. disillusioned fragment of a life.. draggin one day from another.. one night into another morning.. hoping.. praying even... but knowing always knowing.. no way...

funny boy... looking forward to eventualities of obvious disappointment... easing into them with foolish notions of romantic idealism.. no way...

mj said it best... the desperation of facebook smiles.. of capturing happiness jus for a moment... smiling.. drinking drearies.. shots! jus to project to the world at large.. look at me im sandra dee.. no way...

fast food and faster affairs.. expensive multimedia phones and meaningless conversations...

six million rupee cars and parents who dont even know their children...

just for tonight.. you're a cynic... but this night too shall pass... but there will be other nights.. of quite desperation...

and at the end all you really have is those that own your soul.. and those you wished still cared..

pseudo friendships and conniving camaraderie...

ab sawaal yeh nahi ki main rahun ya nahi... sawal yeh nahi ki main jiyun ke marun...
sawal yeh hai ki is duniya ko bananewala, chalanewala koi hai..
agar nahi to andhi duniyan main andho ki taranh jeene kya kya fayda
aur agar hai.. to kya woh apne bandho ki sunta hai ki nahi...**

questions of faith..

Hear with your ears the Best; look upon it with clear thought. When deciding between the two beliefs, each for himself before the great consummation, think that it be accomplished to our pleasure***

of light and darkness.. tainted apples and figs...

I sat their waiting - not for anything
beyond good and evil, enjoying now the light, now the shade, now only play,
now the lake, now the moon, wholly time without end,
Then suddenly, Friend, one became two -
And Zarathustra passed me by...***

of not thinking.. just being.. a cynic tonight...

*cf: The Hollow Men, T S Eliot
**cf: Raju Swamy in Vijay Anand's Guide
***cf: Ahunawaiti Gatha, a Hymn accredited to Zarathustra
****cf: Thus spake Zarathustra, Fredrich Wilhelm Nietzche, 1881