rub your eyes... sigh... close them.. lean back on the pillow... pull... aniseed... tonight you're a cynic... no point in resistin... you're surrounded.. inside your mind.. pain.. grief.. sorrow.. alcohol.. impatience.. tonight you can't trust.. no matter how much you want to.. need to.. long for.. for that one smile and a ruffle of the hair.. and know it can be.. real.. but tonight you're a cynic and you know there's no real point... you submit to the self defacing wallowing...
im home.. im exhausted.. no way...
its a dichotomy really.. not an Elliotian shadow*.. no chasm of civilisations.. jus the knowledge that can be and what will be... just won't add up.. distance.. people.. distractions.. personal prejudices.. and the odds just stack up...
the disconnected.. deprived.. disillusioned fragment of a life.. draggin one day from another.. one night into another morning.. hoping.. praying even... but knowing always knowing.. no way...
funny boy... looking forward to eventualities of obvious disappointment... easing into them with foolish notions of romantic idealism.. no way...
mj said it best... the desperation of facebook smiles.. of capturing happiness jus for a moment... smiling.. drinking drearies.. shots! jus to project to the world at large.. look at me im sandra dee.. no way...
fast food and faster affairs.. expensive multimedia phones and meaningless conversations...
six million rupee cars and parents who dont even know their children...
just for tonight.. you're a cynic... but this night too shall pass... but there will be other nights.. of quite desperation...
and at the end all you really have is those that own your soul.. and those you wished still cared..
pseudo friendships and conniving camaraderie...
ab sawaal yeh nahi ki main rahun ya nahi... sawal yeh nahi ki main jiyun ke marun...
sawal yeh hai ki is duniya ko bananewala, chalanewala koi hai..
agar nahi to andhi duniyan main andho ki taranh jeene kya kya fayda
aur agar hai.. to kya woh apne bandho ki sunta hai ki nahi...**
questions of faith..
Hear with your ears the Best; look upon it with clear thought. When deciding between the two beliefs, each for himself before the great consummation, think that it be accomplished to our pleasure***
of light and darkness.. tainted apples and figs...
I sat their waiting - not for anything
beyond good and evil, enjoying now the light, now the shade, now only play,
now the lake, now the moon, wholly time without end,
Then suddenly, Friend, one became two -
And Zarathustra passed me by...***
of not thinking.. just being.. a cynic tonight...
*cf: The Hollow Men, T S Eliot
**cf: Raju Swamy in Vijay Anand's Guide
***cf: Ahunawaiti Gatha, a Hymn accredited to Zarathustra
****cf: Thus spake Zarathustra, Fredrich Wilhelm Nietzche, 1881
2 comments:
"...if you're willing to take the chance.. the view from the other side is spectacular"
Come out of the cynical chamber.
Have Faith.
I'm amazed at the things u remember my saying... sometimes I can say profound things.... hmm
Honey, ease up. I can empathise... but the more you wallow the more you are blind you become to the possibilities that may actually turn things around for you.
Big hug..
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