I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds
Strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind
Pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy...
I wish you were here**
what do you do?.... findamentally do... when you know that person you love.. loves someone else... how do you tackle it.. what words of consolation do you offer your heart as you drift away into thought and imagine that one night... the night of many lifetimes... pure passsion... pure and real in a way that feels like playing with wet clay.. base and beautiful...
sometimes you get a phonecall and your life turns upsidedown.. sometimes you go for a sheesha and drinks and existance decides to blink.. atlas shrugs... chaos reigns...
to feel that you want something that you cant have is a crazy thrill in its own way... forbidden...
but she said no guilt... strange that...
you're my weakness she said... what is a weakness... its harmful.. it gets you into trouble.. makes u do things you dont want.. its not love.. its not even real.. its selfish.. so selfish and prude... weakness...
the absolute irony of it all is that i cant imgaine what i like about her so much... except for the intellect.. and the kindness in her eyes.. and... oh dear.. the absolute irony is that i do like her so much...
always forward... never look back.. no regrets.. meet life head on.. carpe bloody diem.. all shatters with one smile... one little tilt of the head and the kindness in those mischeveous eyes...
embrace it.. live it.. love it.. be pure to it.. and life will show you experiences like you cant believe... from broken hearts to the pure ecstacy of that touch... tender...
pouring always pouring.. giving.. letting out.. closure.. letting go.. tumbling free wheeling gonna be more gonna do more.. always more..
love will find a way.. love actually is... believe it... you have to.. no choice but to...
may even find a way... its possible..
nothings impossible.. peter pan..
leave it to faith... faith.. a season of possibilities.. of nature and youth and laughter.. her laughing eyes.. a season of faith... of faiths imperfection and a broken heart...
*cf: Finding Forrester, Columbia Pictures, 2000
**cf: I Wish You Were Here, Incubus
9 comments:
Is this post before or after your car got totalled and you nearly escaped going to jail?! Coz it could explain a lot about your reasoning power at that time!
But actually, I totally agree.. all the resolve in the world can go down the dogs with one look, one touch, one mail, one call.. it doesnt take much! Like life's waiting to pull you back.. hmmm..
@rm
differnt nights.. i think my karmic goodwill is takin a beating.. muah!
You need em.. those 'bounce back' moments.. or 'bring' back or whatever you wish to call those moments of weakness... when even atlas shrugs...you need 'em just to pound your 'weakness' into fatigue.
After a few shrugs and experiencing the pain of standing up again, you learn to keep your knees straight & locked.
Beat the bitch of a habit, ahem, i mean 'weakness'.
It feels almost like sacrilege to comment on a blog post this personal, specially since I don't even know you.
All the same, just wanted to tell you as unlikely as it seems you will get over this "weakness" and yes you will move on, though no one can tell you how it will happen or how long it will take :)
Till then - hang in there! It happens to the best of us. :)
@ad
anahat doesnt learn.. anahat's made a habit of not learning... ive decided instead to reconcile to the theory that the combination of panic pride and pettiness is going to mean im dying alone....
@n
if i had issued with that i'd never post this... oh and .. i know..
Why arent you writing more?! Most of what you write resonates so much...
who is this impertinent anonymous child?
i dont know you....but all the emotions are put down in words so superbly....
applaud!
@ i
*deep bow of the head*
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