the tyranny of evil men...

it seems to me that happiness is overrated... and consequently the strife for being at one with the universe is too... the universe is full of wierdos and jack shit.. no one should strive to be one with it.. no one should strive to 'be happy', it just isnt the point... its a guise sold to us by the motion picture production houses... its a hallmark moment... one should aim for perfection and settle for yourself.. you should aim to be you... to be honest with yourself... to feel... to love.. to hurt.. to cry and to just not give a fuck... you... the real you.. never changing and never letting up... happiness is a whim.. its a fancy... it'll come and it'll go... to strive for something so obviously transcendental is jus pointless... you are real.. constant and at the end of it most important..

if it matters to you.. go for it.. if it doesn't dont... dont be fake.. dont put on.. dont be a peer.. there came two paths.. and i took the one less trodden.. hell fuck that.. make your own path..

in a country of 1,000,000,000 people.. one tall lanky fellow said.. 'jahan ham khade hoten hain.. line wahin se shuroo hoti hai'.. be a bhagwan amitabh.. go on...

*the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides, by the alacrity of the wicked and the tyranny of evil men...*

*cf: Ezekiel 24:17

koyla.. the rooftop elysium of mumbai

hi... yes i know its been a while... but ive been busy... doing what you say.. working... ! ok and with lots of alcohol as well... so this is my long overdue post on koyla... the rooftop elysium of mumbai... now... quick background... there is this shady place called the gulf hotel in colaba, somewhere in the bylanes behind the Taj Mahal Palace & Tower, Mumbai (clap!! clap!!).. and this paradise ironically happens to be on its rooftop. It offers an excellent view of the south mubai harbour and a sense of idyllic comfort. Of course the fact that they serve sheesha and can make a decent head adds to the whole experience... but overall, its a place to take you away from the din of mumbai, soulfull and exciting as it might be it is tiring, and you need to recluse sometime.. so this is the place to do it... low seating, open air, cusions, fresh (or as much can be expected in mumbai) air, good kabas, decent service and soothing sheesha... blissful....

so the next time you're looking for a place to get in touch with yourself... or someone else... or jus mumbai from a secluded recluse.. this is the place to go to...

*and if you suddenly find yourself in fields of gold with the sun streaming down upon you, do not be afraid, rejoice instead, for you are in elysium... and already dead

*cf: Maximus Desimus Meredius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions

mumbai & futures...

I have discovered a new love, okok, I haven't yet paid up for the earlier one I'm about a third done on that.. but this is connected...

im in love with mumbai... its brilliant.. im never leaving... also... im in love with futures trading... its the best... equities and mutual funds are allright if ur forty and already earning a 100,000 a month, if you're twentyfour and earing a quarter of that futures trading it is... its approx 20 times the risk of equity ... which also means 20 times the return in terms of time value of your money. it rocks. if all this sounds complicated. Let me translate. Its legalised gambling in the hundreds of thousands and its bloody addictive. Specially in the kind of bull market we have.

word of caution though. it is 20 times the risk. thats real money.

also... I have officially been smoking the sheeshee for like four odd years now... i realised im addicted to it but thats another post.. about koyla, the rooftop elisium of mumbai.

I saw your face in a crowded place
and i dont know what to do
cause ill never be with you... *

*cf: You're Beautiful: James Blunt

happy birthday to me!

hippy burrrday to meee...

true love...

it's undeniable.. it was i agree unavoidable.. its true love... and she's gorgeous.. pretty face.. nice slim body... and she keeps me up all night...

in case you're wondering... I finally bought that plasma display panel, its not the sony 3ccd, but the new samsung dnie 42" and its beautiful... im hooked booked and off the market... there is nothing like a game of tekken 5 or ff x-2 on this baby... oooh...
droool... anyway... there is a downside.. i have no money. i am broke. and then some. i cant go out till february 2008. honestly.
but its worth it... so worth it...

I have a list... 10 things to... do before I die/rules of conduct...

1. Keep it real... love with all your heart and hurt with it too...
2. Watch the sunset from the Chiliean Andes...
3. Sail the Nile...
4. Go to Istanbul and experience the Hage Sofia...
5. Bunjee Jump in New Zealand
6. Try and spend every new years eve either in the arms of love or goa.. or both
(29th Dec 2005 to 2nd Jan 2006. Goa. Booked and all of that)
7. Never lose touch with anyone youve kissed... no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts...
8. Tour at least one wine-country-side...
9. Never hesitate to compliment...
10. Buy a 7.1 HTS (Plasma TV) (Buy a Bose) (Buy an Ipod)

I still have a long way to go...

cynical idealism...

I'm a cynical idealist, as I've realised and someone just paraphrased for me... I can just see it, its going to be a rage.. and many decades down the line a plethora of neo-cynical idealists will read this and reminisce on the classical naivete of this post.

so I'm cynical.. about people.. about relationships.. about intentions.. I'm always telling people why it won't work out, and in the end it all fades and that transience is the true nature of existence, and all sorts of dim, brooding discouragements of the sort.. but I'm always hoping, someone's gonna turn around and say no!.. thats not true, look at this.. or that.. or them.. or me.. or whatever.. it's a hope against hope, but its hope, I am an idealist, may be too much of one for my own good, and my idealism is both the cause of and the hope of my current state... its a bit catch22*... if u think about it..

oh dont think about it, it'll fry your brain and you'll turn into an idealisticcynic... 'evil laugh'... you're thinking about it aren't you... hehe resistance is futile, you will be assimilated**...

*cf: Joseph Hellar
**cf: Star Trek: Generations

Mumbai Roads!

all is not sundry...

aight so the rains are excellent and the city has an uniqe and unibiquitious din about it... but all is not sundry... mumbai doesn't have roads.. ok so maybe I'm being a bit harsh.. but maybe I'm not.. mumbai has potholes.. copiuos amounts of potholes in all shapes sizes and forms.. in fact mumbai's speciality is potholes.. aight aight I do relaise the 26/7 rains were abnormally disasterous.. but still..
ok so i go to pickup my car from this place called vaashinaka, jus a bit beyond vaashi station, its in navi mumbai and its very far! which means its 37km from my house. and it took me 2.5 hours to do that... and not because I am new to mumbai and don't know the roads like the back of my hand, and not because the traffic was atrocious.. it was.. but because there were no roads.. most of it was potholes but in some lucky places it was mud.. lots of mud.. so I was supposed to take this 'left turn' except that the turning was no more than a bit of mud sliding a bit to the left and leading to some potholes.. and I was supposed to figure that out.. and i got lost! twice!
hmmm.. ok letting go is good.. very good.. breathe...

mumbai the city thats alive.. thats got magic.. potholes and mud...

good morning mumbai!

Mumbai Rains!

sheher ki dhup si bewakt hi dhalegee,
kyun humko yaad aae woh*

so i've been in mumbai now for about three days, and it has been raining since then... but not to say its 26/7 all over again... sometimes it slows down, drizzles... sometimes the wind picks it up and it sheets across like a fine spray, sometimes its blotchy and you want to jus get out of it.. but its been raining everyday.. I have a luvly place here, i.e its free and its on the 12th floor and very clean... my room faces eastand its got a large wall to wall window, luvly cityscape view... havent seen the sun yet, I'm beggining to wonder about that whole thing about rotation and revolution... no sun!! in three mornings!! okok not panickin..
there is a great thing about mumbai though, its alive.. its buzzing.. it has soul, and the rains play their part, they contribuites their verse... its makes everything come alive more so... the humdum.. the fruit markets and street hawkers, the traffis jams and the late night sojurns back home.. it all looks like a glazed din... wet and brimming...

mumbai rains...

also it seeps into everything.. it drips form everywhere.. its all pervasive.. you cant escape it even if you want to.. luckily most of the times i dont want to...

good night mumbai!
cf: Jaane - Ost Chameli

addictions and 3CCD LCD Projection Panels...

so its finally done then, its proven and on record, im addicted to shopping for dvds... picture this, I was feeling lazy one afternoon, and I decided to drop in on Landmark, a book/dvd/music store in Chennai which has recently been aquired by the Simone Tata controlled Trent Enterprises, the compnay that also runs the Westside stores. (Tata goodwill advertising done.. I am proud) So I went to spend some time, lookin at some nice books, maybe pickup something for a casual read, and what did I walk away with twelve DVDs which cost me a damn bundle... but unabashedly I paid for them and smirked myself home... muttering so im addicted.. thats ok its my only vice... which brings me to the actual point.. when is it enough.. how do u decide whats worth spending money on, assuming u have it... cause I am currently in the thores of saving up for a LCD projection panel to augmnet my DVD addiction, I'm looking at close to 120 odd titles on me now... and ive been meeting strict ideological resistance with the thought of spending "200,000 odd bucks on a TV", I am of course shrugging away the deluge of criticism and am sticking with "why the hell not... I enjoy my movies and besides, who am I earning for anyway.. savings my ass.. this is no time to save, Ill save when I'm thirty and earning some serious money.. right now ill splurge and live from one creditcard bill scare to another".... which begets me back to... whats the deal with this "worth it" stuf... how can u possibly understand the finer attractiveness of a 3CCD Sony LCD Projection Panel unless u happen to be a boytoy loving tech crazy sort of person.. you cant, so big deal if the world is gettin you down.. go get it... that ipod, that pdp, that reall cool new nokia.. life is too short, and if you have it and can justify in your own head, why not??... you only live once and if u enjoy music or movies or jus happen to be a gadget guy.. this is as good a time as any to aquire and upgrade.. assimalate and salivate... get addicted if u can afford it... what say?

things left unsaid...

nights in white satin... never reaching the end...
letters I've written... never meaning to send...*

are you the sort of person who misses places? I was thinking about it... I'm in the beforemath of shifting cities... from my current Chennai to the more vibrant, recently submerged financial capital on India, Mumbai... its work related and I'm kinda glad to be going, of nothing else then just for the sheer change in cultures and mindsets...
So.. now that i've sneaked that in... coming back to missing places.. will I miss Chennai? and the collective sigh of all my pores and molecues sighs... NO!... and I wonder about that.. It's not that I haven't had a blast here.. living on my own.. decent levels of comfort.. experiences uniquely chennaite and yet fun... "yet"... Its not like im not wary about moving.. I'm actually quite sad to be going... but I'm sure I dont miss places..
so then it comes to me.. I'll miss the comforts of the familiure.. I mean its so much easier to drive back sozzled out of your wits once you've got those damn speedbreakers and uniquey Indian Potholes/"Men were surely at work" spots figured out... but hang on.. I'll figure that out soon enough in Mumbai as well..
then??? people... what about the people.. the ones I'll spot at airports and on MSN everyonceinawhile... and those that I wont.. ever.. and It strikes me.. that life's so funny that way.. you go through so many priorities and people and places so fast and you never really realise till you sit back one day.... an hoping ur not a compete muppet lean on your laz-e-boy watchin sports on a plazma screen... that there are so many people.. so many frineds and so many ...not really got a chance to become frineds... and you havent a clue what theyre upto.. and you wanna.. that you have so many things left.. and u reach for your cellphone/blackberry and sms and call and mail and try to get some of it back.. and you cant.. ever.. ....its NOW.. do it now cause no amount of technology can replace now...
or you'll be left with what if's??.. and things left unsaid..

chal sochen kya... choti si hai zindagi...
kal mil jaaen to hogi khush nasibi...
meri chhat ko rakhlena... jaise koi nishani...**

*cf: Nights in White Satin - The Moody Blues
**cf: Pal - KK

worldviews and faces...

so I got a phone call... and my world turned upside down... for a bit... so this isnt about that phone call.. I'm jus sayin.. its about my world.. now here's the question.. and there must always be one.. if perception is key.. and it is.. how different really is my world.. from the real one.. okok im not philosophising or going off here.. im jus wondering... everyone colours their world.. everyone has pre-concieved notions, prejudices... and we usually see what we want to and hear what we like... and filter all the other mumbo jumbo... which means everyones got thier unique filter and everyone has their own 'worldview'... as in actually... so i might be missing a whole bunch of experiences and people and places because im stuck with this filter of mine... also to add to the whole mess.. people are different with different people.. ...

There will be time, there will be time...
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet...*

and everyones got there masques.. and its all a bunch of powerplays and games.. and honestly and genuineness is a lost cause.. oneupmanship and a ruthless march towards the twin pillars of post modernist civilization.. sex and money... and so much gets lost.. and so many half compromises and so many justifications...

somtimes i wonder.. is it worth it... reallly...
who's to say...

anyway... its jus a thought... i got a phone call and my world turned upside down... jus for a bit...

*Cf: The Lovesong of J Alfred Prufrock, T S Eliot

imminent bliss II...

in a constant strive to improve perection.. and to prove I was listenig during CRM class... I have decided to complete the loop... i.e post->feedback->new and improved post..

now sticking with the LND* principle I have decided to write jus about enough...

anahat's guide to imminenet bliss version 1.01b

ceterus paribus... the following points need to be carefully considered...

1. Sex is overrated and so are category (a) women.
2. A serious drawback is that u automatically categorize when u meet someone for the first/after a bit of time.. now that can be fun as an internal thing.. and a cheecky smile might make for a bit of harmless fun converstaion but invaribly its a bit vain... still thinkin of a work around.. i guess a saving grace is that u dont have to do it more n once for the same person...**
3.The whole thing's a bit hollow and superficial in some elements and requires a kind of unattached callousness which may or may not suit everybody... I guess its a call you have to take.. I for one am an Island.. and Cold... (trust me art...) so its priceless in its practical brilliance...
4. Results may vary form individual to individual, the genius does not take responsibility for any misconstrued and or misinterpretted disasters...

*Theory of "Least Noticable Difference"

**Ps: Objectification was never an intention.. it jus seems to me that one has to be a bit... unemotional... cold even to come up with a "practical" guide... which is what this and im assuming its more fine tuned succsessors are going to be. Thus to be able to catgorise one needs to be a bit aloof.. a bit objective and that mught be misinteroreted as objectification and such like.. but hazards of the course i guess... aight alph?? .. k...

imminent* bliss...

Anahat' Plan to ultimate bliss:

There are four kinds of women I will meet

a) Women I'd love to sleep with
b) Women who are 'soulfood'
c) Women who are 'soulfood' and id love to sleep with
d) all others

a) If by chance she too is interested in the same we shall proceed to excellent sex, and blissfully stressless days - sex is the best stress reliever, closely followied by a game of Tekken V on the PS2, if not, she will be ignored

b) These women will be shamelesly flirted with - in a charming/intellectual snob kind of Anahat way. It will be found out what we have in common apart from sharing great converstaions (critical criteria for 'soulfood' women) And one will continue to feed his soul on such coffee/tea/wine/other spirts induced converstions on all matter of subjects. Movies shall be watched and theatre shall be enjoyed. bliss shall soon follow, IN CASE THEY turn serious/loveydovey/propose they shall be politely let down in the nicest way possible so as not to interrupt the soul feeding... if they insist they will be ignored... but the intelligence cutoff on most 'soulfood' women will probably ensure it doesnt come to that

c) these women will be treated exactly like category (b) and other feelings shall be maintained in secrecy unless and until THEY turn serious/lovey/propose - at which time I shall turn around and RUN FOR THE HILLS.

d) they will be ignored insofar as casual flirting cannot ensure my work if any, can be done fatser/more efficiently

The resultant life will be full of carnal pleasure and an enriched soul and UNCOMPLIFUCKINGCATED. As an aside and in case of conflict, enrichment of the soul shall be given preferance over carnal pleasure at all times.

bliss is imminent*...

*thanks to Art... I got that right!

I am an Island...

gam ko apne saath bhi lele,
dard bhi tere kaam aaega...*

its about lessons... everything teaches you a lesson... everyone.. u jus have to know what.. the keen mind can pick.. and grow... the troubled mind criticises and languishes...

I am an island.. I am fucking Ibiza**

and I am inspired... now it might be foolish and naive to learn lessons from hugh grant flicks but then.. again it might not.. of course the sheer british soppiness of the flick cannot hide the brilliance of idea.. i am an island...

and I will fight it out till I can.. and then I will stop and hopefully be invaded by a kind soul... I will live life from one moment to the next... and I will entice and elicit.. and I will enjoy..

then I will falter and I will succumb.. then I will wallow in self pity till it annoys me or I annoy everyody around me and out of sheer pride I will let it slide.. bygones...

I have made a list... 10 things to... do before I die/rules of conduct...

1. Keep it real... love with all your heart and hurt with it too...
2. Watch the sunset from the Chiliean Andes...
3. Sail the Nile...
4. Go to Istanbul and experience the Hage Sofia...
5. Bunjee Jump in New Zealand
6. Try and spend every new years eve either in the arms of love or goa.. or both
7. Never lose touch with anyone youve kissed... no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts...
8. Tour at least one wine-country-side...
9. Never hesitate to compliment...
10. Buy a Plasma TV (Buy a Bose) (Buy an Ipod)

I have a long way to go...

So many things to do..
so many tears to weep..
no let up, no reprive..
no rest, no sleep..
into the trepid elecreties of agony and ecstancy...
into the contradictions of the ficklesness of mortality...
into another dream...
into another sunrise...
-Anahat

*cf: Allah Ke Bande - Kailsh Kher: Waisa Bhi Hota Hai Part II
**cf: HUgh Grant to anybody listening - About a Boy: Paramount Pictures

hangovers and promotions

today i woke up with a hangover.. basically it tasted like the culmination of a tadpole eating contest... also it felt dehydrated... i hope atleast thats a hangover ;-) i dont get headaches.. so thats that... then i had some aqua and went back to sleep... I got promoted yesterday... and get paid more money to continue doing what Im doing and get to change my designation.. I was an erstwhwile Relationship Executive and am now an Assistant Relationship Manager. There is possibly some point to this.. it doesnt strike me instantly... the two incidents are obviously cause and affect and thus mentioned together...

also i realised the everybody in the world likes antoine de st exupery and richard bach... but thats another story alltogether... the story is about how sometimes life catches you unaware and throws a exquisite converstaion at you... a harmless exchage of dreams and passions, and by the time it hits you that its the next morning, its too late... and then you pray to god that it doesnt cause any complications..

how is it that one can be so afraid of happiness...? or atleast events would have you believe apparent happiness/pleasentness at the next curve... how is it that you go from carefree to careful. Perpetually analysing.. thinking.. pondering.. complicating!!

and heres another one? does pain really make it real? or is that an excuse? a compulsive reflex statement... 'its aight yeah.. the pain makes it real' ;-)

well apparently listening to satriani and coldplay after watching alexander.... doesnt help... nethier does trying to explain to someone what a blog is jus cause you asked them how to spell neccesity..

there is more to reality than one can envisage even in their dreams...*

*Senor Don Chirstophor Columbas - Discoverer of the New World

perfection...

nothing is so good it lasts eternally,
perfect situations must go wrong,
but that has never yet prevented me,
wanting far too much for far too long...*

the song goes on about looking back, and playing it differently, learning about the person before you fall, some spatterings of how its madness and ends with...

if i knew form the start how it would end,
why am I falling apart??...*

anyway.. thought i'd mention how its brilliant and such.. but I dont wanna hear about how I'm bound to feel this way right now and how perfection is not an achievable paradigm and its a constant aim to strive for etc... so im not going to...

relationships jus arent what they used to be.. two folks used to fall in love, compromise and stick it out, or they would compromise, then fall in love and then stick it out, depending on which spectrum of the marrige scenario you pegged onto.. now its not the same..

now you have individuality, and independace; financial, social and emotional, and in such a context as it was pointed out to me... co existance is a nightmare, and you have to pick one and then youre in trouble... either way...

well what do you do if ur the sort of commitment phobic limelight huggin meglomaniac who gets hurt everytime and never learns and then puts up his hands and says, alllrighteeethen, no more of the vulnerability shit, form now on its straight on meaningful sex with meaningless women who tingle some fantasy or the other...?

well luckily thats not too difficult a question to answer... i guess you carry on till it stays in your fancy and then try somethign else to fill the void, the constant need to feel important to someone else, the need to be loved and beleive that you inspire such ideals...

and i guess you carry on..

...she said its all gonna end so it might as well be my fault**

bitterness, maybe? I'm not sure, anyone wanna hazard a judgement call on this?

*cf: I know him so well, Sarah Brightman & Elaine Paige - Chess
**cf: 3 AM - Matchbox 20

grown ups and numbers...

So finally i've added a hit counter to my blog, see see there it is on the right... someday it'll be a number to reckon with... so while I was finding the right place to paste the code I got from the free site.. it struck me that I don't really care how many people actually view the blog.. I mean its not a poppularity contest.... but nevertheless I put it up... I'm tellin myself its for referance.. and I'm reminded about the genius of the Little Prince*... grown ups and their facination with numbers.. Hi.. so how old are you? whats you phone number? So how much do you make? :-) maybe I too have grown up, got too caught up with CTC's and InHands and tax slabs and interest rates and hit counters... and maybe not... I just dont know... I jus hope it not too late... and maybe I still have the will to ask questions like? Hows your house? Is it a nice house... do you enjoy staying there and not jus whats your address?? ;-)

*cf: The Little Prince - Antoine de St. Exupery

enable the present...

to think.. to know.. to realise.. that enabling the future is as pointless as trying to predict it.. 'control is an illusion, you infantile ego-maniac'*, and thus.. realise that the wheel will weave as the wheel whishes, and your task if any is to make as much of that weave as you can.. enable the present.. live now.. live fully.. suck the marrow from the very depths of your soul.. cry out and try out... carpe diem, beofre it seizes you.. also... go if u need any help watch Dead Poets Society... it will change you...

*cf: Nicloe Kidman to Tom Cruise in Driven

never ever drift...

you had not the courage to be loyal... only the convictions of your own vanity...* well is it truly pointless to try and be loyal? is it such a bore? does one really need to have courage for it? is it such a prized and scare victorian concept... well events unfolding would make me believe so... and yet.. it seems quite simple to me for some reason.. I know that I am probably burdened with archaic conceptualizations of propriety and honour.. but on the other hand the feelings they evoke... courage.. fortitude... these archaic concepts of mine.. to be aspired to I think.. not shied away from and not ever crushed under the guise of vanity.. oh what more vanity and self belief than to be courageous against the face of a barrage.. to stand straight with your held up high against the wind.. to scream to shout.. to live.. life.. in the moment and on your own terms.. to never be drifted by petty temptations.. loyalty.. to ones beliefs to ones stand...

like I admitted to shivani the other day.. "when in doubt do nothing" is probably the worst stance to take..

"sometimes you must sail, against the wind
and sometimes you must sail with it,
but the point is to always sail.. never stand still...
and never ever drift..."
-anahat

*cf: The Duke of Walsinghm to the Duke of Norfolk - Elizabeth

love me two times...

love me two times baby.. love me twice today.. love me two times girl.. one for tomorrow and one just for today* ... well now whats going on.. love me today for tomorrow? does that work? really.. can anyhting which is, still be? dont all things change, isnt transcience the true nature of existance.. and if so then why try and hold on.. why have 'sweet memories'.. pointless I say.. embrace chnage.. embrace the trepid fickleness of situations and people.. know that this is as it is now.. and tomorrow is another day. dont ask for a love for tommorrow.. you might not want it.. live the present and make the most of it cause at the end of the day like the graffitti reads.. no one gets out of life alive...

*cf: James Douglas Morrison

Words with C (In the Begining)

Hmmm.. lets see, I had to pick up my cellphone to check the spelling of begining, for the title... thats how dependant and insecure technology and public appraisal can make u I guess... on a more perosnal note I think a blog should start with what you believe in, me I believe in myself, and my country (except when it comes to cricket and hmmm.. politics) there we're hopelessly unpredictable.. but anyway back to belief.. which by the way doesnt need justification.. the best kinda faith is blind faith.. backed by absoluteley no logic or fact.. jus a smile and a shrug.. jus the way it is buddy.. okok... I also believe in contradictions, as I was tellin a friend the other day.. its some of the best things in life.. contradictions.. agony and ecstancy.. the esscene of love, friendship, achievement, life itself.. pre bundled with death.. mortality, the best contradiction of all.. belief.. I also believe strongly in conviction and consequences... yeah C words are it.. ok jus changed the title to the present one... so coming back to conviction and its consequences... thats me.. have the courage to face the consequences of your convictions.. and if u can manage that.. u'll never have to lower your head to anybody or any situation.. bring it on...! Guess I also believe in Pride... hmmm yeah guess I do.. Vanity would just HAVE to be my favourite sin..

more ramblings later I guess...